The house is warm.
Everything else is complicated.
The Christmas felt longer this year..
I failed my driving exam again. Fifth, maybe sixth time - I’ve lost count. I’m tired of trying, but my mom insists I continue. There is no space to stop. No matter how much effort I put in, it's always the same in the end. Failure is following me
Christmas came quietly.
I didn’t feel the usual warmth. The decorations were there, the food was there, but the feeling never really arrived.
I received a bag, a wallet, and a bottle of perfume. I know I should be grateful - and I am - but they weren’t things I asked for. My mom has a habit of projecting herself onto me, even in gifts. She can't really control my younger sister so I'm the one left..
Still, she was happy. I got her the perfume she wanted and asked for, and that mattered more in the moment.
My dad came back from Germany for the holidays. He brought me and my siblings a ridiculous amount of candy and perfume. It felt excessive in a comforting way.
What surprised me most was the calm.
No arguments. Not between my parents. Not between my grandparents. Not even between my cousins. Everything was quiet. Too calm, maybe.
The next day, it cracked.
At dinner, I was taking food onto my plate when my grandfather started laughing at me. He always does.
I barely took anything before he started. My appetite disappeared immediately. I stopped eating. My mom was angry with me for “acting like a baby.”
Nothing else really happened after that.
I found myself missing school, which surprised me. Even with the bullies, at least there is a reason to wake up.
Somewhere in all of this, I developed a new celebrity crush - Joshua Odjick. It’s small, harmless, a little embarrassing, but it helps. I don’t feel as alone when there’s something distant and unattainable to focus on.
The days passed. That’s all.
— E.